A simple act of kindness….. It doesn’t cost a thing….

We preach to our children be nice to others. Don’t call names…be kind..be a friend….. But how many of us actually practice what we preach with our children? I know I have fallen short way to often.

The thought of being kind to others has been on my mind lately. It’s not there because of personal issues but with a recent visit to the fair. Yes, I learned something from the county fair.

Every Saturday we go to lunch and do some form of an outing with Bob. God bless him for 8 hours a day his life…is governed by school and therapists and basically practicing life skills. So, on the weekend we like to relax and cut loose a little. We try to drag him out of his comfort zone, which is our home and bring him into the “real world”.

Any given Saturday there is a zoo trip, he doesn’t like animals but he likes the train at the zoo. Or we take him to the park, which he truly adores..for various reasons..there are kids…there are swings….it’s fun! This Saturday we made the trek to the County fair…I’m sure you know the type..basic Ferris wheel, kiddie rides, games where you can win a fish or a stuffed animal….french fries and hot dogs and elephant ears oh my!

I can’t lie. I was nervous. I didn’t know how it would go. I asked my FB family for prayers, good thoughts, or even good juju. I was reaching.

We arrive at the fair. Bob sees letter..words..that’s excites him. What does that say mommy, he asks? I oblige and answer holding his hand a little tighter as the music and the smells and the people seem to barrel towards us. The funny thing is, you never probably even think of all of these things until your life is touched with Autism. Our senses are accosted daily and the fair..well let’s just say, that’s a whole lot to take in…especially when you are little and autistic.

We get to the ticket booth and the hubs proceeds to buy the tickets. He looks at me and asks how many should I get? I don’t know….depends on if he can handle this or not. Oh, what the hell get 50 tickets…this could work!
Bob gripped my hand tightly and said, I wanna go home…I’m scared….
I told him we would walk a little further and if he wanted to go home we would……

We didn’t have to leave. He loved it! He rode the roller coaster not one time but three times. We rode the tilt a whirl. I thought I was going to vomit. He smiled the entire time. He even tried his hand at throwing ping pong balls into bowls to win a fish. He won not ONE but TWO fish. He also rode a train ride. The hubs informed the attendant that Bob was Autistic. She treated him with such dignity and kindness. Guess what, it didn’t even cost us an extra ticket for this woman to be kind to my child.

We moved on to a motorcycle ride. Even though it is October and technically Fall, it is still hot as hades in SC. Evidently the South didn’t get the memo! While we were standing and waiting our turn, the attendant proceeds to complain about the heat. I really tuned her out. My only concern was that Bob got on and off the ride safely. As Bob mounted the cycle, the attendant helped him and then she did the strangest thing. I felt like I was looking at something that wasn’t a reality…but it was. She proceeded to roll up my child’s sleeves. Evidently, because she was hot she assumed Bob was as well. I watched this woman. I watched this person proceed to do and act of kindness, without thought of herself …..just seamlessly giving some relief to a child. That one act…..that simple thing she did..meant the world to me….
The fumbling of her fingers a she rolled his sleeves up….the kindness she bestowed upon my child…didn’t cost either of us a thing…it was what it was….an act of kindness…..just a simple act of kindness….

I leave you with this…try to do a simple act of kindness…I know I am going to make a valiant effort…. Because you know……you never know when the one thing you do…that one act…will impact another persons journey…

Hugs and love,
Bob and Sissy’s momma

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Dear Teacher

Dear Teacher,

Tomorrow morning I will bring him to your classroom door. He will be the little boy with a big smile and big heart, wearing a backpack that bears his name and a lunch box that has food he will eat. Did I tell you he won’t be eating the cafe food….it’s not for him..not right now anyway.

He is excited. He is four. He is Autistic. He is my boy…my heart..my world.

Please treat him gently. Please help him learn. He doesn’t need the academics. He already knows all of his numbers, shapes, colors, and even reads some. What my boy doesn’t know is how to interact with others. He needs practice and he needs a gentle person to help him find his way, to help him grow.

He needs you… I need you to help him.

I’m sure I won’t sleep tonight. I’m sure I’ll have a hard time leaving your classroom. Please be gentle and understanding to us both. We are connected you see. He is my heart…. I am his voice….you are his teacher….

Help him, help me….this is hard…..
Xoxo
Lori
Bob’s momma

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Don’t loathe us…..

This thought enters my head every time my teenager..my girl leaves the nest and enjoys time with other families….don’t loathe us.

Don’t loathe us because our life is not easy. Unfortunately because we cohabitate…yours isn’t easy either. You, my child, have to share your teenage hood with your brother and us….it’s not easy. You my child, however do it with grace and compassion and patience. How do you do it? How do we deserve you? How do you not loathe us?

I want your teenage years to be filled with fun…and care free…and whim….

However, you are part of this family. You are an integral part of what makes us work. Your love for your brother, your patience, you…just you…make all of our journeys so much better.

Never lose sight of yourself, your goals….and us…..

Without you…there is no us….

Thank you my love, my girl, my first born…..

Xoxo,
Mommy

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IEP…..Lawd help me!

The dreaded day…the one you read horror stories about, the one that you know is coming as your little one approaches school age….you know the one..the day of the IEP meeting! (Insert dramatic music)

Having been a teacher I have sat at the table with literally 100’s of parents over the years… Making plans for their children..assuring them it was all good..and making sure I held up my end of the bargain with their child’s IEP… It’s slightly different when you are the parent component of the team not the teacher..administrator….psychologist…(insert random school personnel)

I’m not going to lie. It’s intimidating!

I sat at the table of the team and they reviewed all of Bob’s testing and input from therapists to paint a picture of Bob and his specific needs. I swear y’all I was loaded for bear. I had my ,I’m not taking any shit face on, with all the ammunition I needed to get what my boy needs. Truth is, I didn’t need it….

The Head Psych from the District who headed up the meeting…had been a kindergarten teacher for 20 years before she went into psych..never married …no children..she was in it to win it..for my Bob and all children…you’ve been in education long enough you can spot it..the ones that are really there for the benefit of the kids…

Her name was Dr. Pigg btw….don’t laugh..if y’all know me you,know how I feel about Peppa…but Dr. Pigg (yes two g’s) may have changed my mind …

After all of Bob’s strengths and weaknesses were reviewed…she spoke..
Dr. Pigg said the words I wanted to hear….Bob will be in an inclusion classroom with 12 kiddos who have developmental delays at the start of the year..as he adjusts to the routine he will begin to be mainstreamed in to a typical 4k program that they have along with speech and OT supports. She felt strongly that my boy was exceptional in many ways….and that he would do well in the school environment. I pray she is right……I’m optimistically looking forward to the start of school in August….he’s got a book bag ..a lunch bag and one bad ass mommy behind him!

As always, love and hugs
Bob’s mommy

It really doesn’t matter to me…what you believe…

Everyone is on their own journey….not matter what type of parent…

You’re a parent of a NT kiddo…your struggles are your own…you wanna be green and clean? I applaud you! Am I doing the same? Nope…it’s not in my cards..I’m scrambling for any food my kid will eat…chicken nugget or kale? I don’t care..just eat something….anything…

But you keep up your good fight..I applaud you…it really doesn’t matter to me…what you believe…..

I’m fighting my kiddos struggle…he is as different as any other kid..none of them are the same…. None of us are the same..we are all human..for God’s sake…we are…..

You can’t compare yourself, your kid, your family to anyone else….never.. Ever…….

Here lies the crux….do we crucify others different from us? Ourselves…do we do it because we feel inadequate? Not up to par? Or are we jealous?

Good lawd..I have my own share of jealousy…but I’ll be damned…if it keeps me from respecting someone else…their journey..their beliefs …let it be…go forth and prosper..my motto…..

Alicia Silvestone..yeah..the Clueless girl…she’s vegan..a newbie momma..wrote a book..started a website for vegan..clean living.. The kind mama..I think she calls it….if she wants to be kind and clean and works for her..so be it……I applaud her….

You don’t vaccinate..you think it damaged your child..I get it…I vaccinated mine..that’s my journey..not yours..I applaud you for doing what you think is best for your baby….

It really doesn’t matter to me what you believe…that’s you and yours ..not mine ..I applaud you..for sticking up for what you believe ….

Breast feeding is your thing..or not…it’s up to you…I breast fed neither of my kids..one NT genius…the other ASD genius…. Your journey ..my journey..makes no difference…

It goes deeper then this post..my diary.,my thoughts ….

I jaunt wish there was more understanding for everyone…and acceptance…that is the most important part…

Disclaimer: I write like a diary..I am NOT a blogger..these are my pieced together thoughts..if you get it..great! If not..move on!

Lori
Mother to Bob and Bob

Everybody hurts..sometimes…everybody needs to whine…sometimes…

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I am woman, a mother, an advocate….. I don’t have time for pity..or hurt ..I have things to do…I have a child that depends on me….depends on me….depends on me having my shit together…

Well, guess what..I’m human..I’ve struggled this week…I’ve been in a funk….

A lowly self pity funk….it doesn’t solve or help anyone or anything….

What does help? Picking yourself up and standing up…..stop saying it’s ok…when it’s not…stop saying I’m good..when you’re not..be honest..be real…for you..for your kid……..mostly for your kid

Pick up your big girl panties and move on….

Easier said then done…I know..I’ve been there..I am there

But the world still turns…and I’d rather struggle… And feel alive then the alternative

My whine is over…for,now at least…everyone hurts..we do..and we will survive…

Love,
Lori
Bob’s momma

The world spins, he spins, the world spins…..

We take a girls vacation each year. By girls I mean, my daughter, mother, MIL, best friend, and for the past 4 years…Bob. Bob is the only man invited. I have to bring my fella.

Every year I’ve taken Bob on this trip..I always say next year will be easier. I really thought this year would be the one. Day 1 went great. He listened..no melt downs..good times…Day 2… A few minor meltdowns….day 3… Holy shit..Houston we have a problem…

The world spins….

The morning started off with Bob, my mom, and MIL going to the beach.
Easy enough…not!
He immediately went into stimulation overload…wouldn’t listen..wanted to run into the water… The whole incident ended with my MIL holding him down while my mother got the golf cart…he’s to big and strong to force to do anything he doesn’t want to do…

He spins…

They got him back to the house..it took me 15 minutes to get him upstairs to wash off the shells and salt of the ocean…..when I did get him upstairs…after he threatened to run away…it took another 45 minutes to get him in the tub…it was the hardest meltdown I’ve seen as of yet….I help my child my boy…I shushed him..I kissed him..I prayed for him to let go and just do what I needed him to do……he never conceded…I just lifted him into the water and bathed my baby..my boy..my love…

The world spins, he spins….

I knew the beach would not be in our plans again today…I couldn’t do it…he couldn’t do it..so we ventured out…to the big town of Charleston..respite away from the beach…they have a children’s museum…he can play with kids…he can be active in a safe place…so we are off….

The world spins…..

On the car ride there..he is happy..calm..he needs his sunglasses and music…I oblige….a few minutes into the ride he says…Mommy….
I say yes….he says ….I love you… Yeah, the world stops spinning that quickly..all is good…

We get to the museum….there are other kids..he plays appropriately….with an 8 year old and two other 3 year olds…..castles and dress up..water tables and a pirate ship…outside water play and a full size fire engine…so much adventure for children…while the other parents sat and watched. My mother and I interacted with all of them…we do this to facilitate appropriate play….and hour into to this..we had a Bantu of children following Bob..to play interactively….once a teacher always a teacher…

The world spins….

The last thirty minutes..Bob was tired….he did so well all day..but he started to spin…stimming….we don’t have that often..but today we did…

The world spins…he spins…

We left…he held my hand…he looked at me and said….I missed you mommy….I was there the whole time..but he was lost in the play…..he also said…I love you mommy……

I love you more Bob….I always have..I always will…

Lori
Bob’s mommy

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