None of us are immune to fear. It lurks in the crevices of our minds, much like the boogey man that hides under your bed when you are a kid, stealing your good night of sleep.
Danger is real, circumstances you fall into in your life, those are real; however, fear is a useless emotion. After all, the only thing under your bed when you are a kid are dust bunnies and lost toys. Fear is useless, it is just a thought that rattles around in your head telling you, don’t do this, or you can never do that and if you dare to try something bad will happen to you.
Personally, I have battled that monster, for about 15 years now. It ebbs and flows like the tide, at its worst it is likened to a tsunami, and its very least a small ripple you jump over with your children while wading into the ocean.
I prefer the latter, the small fear like a little ripple that you can just jump over. Unfortunately , life throws a load of shit at you and that ripple can turn into a tsunami in the blink of an eye.
Bob had a febrile seizure one week before his first birthday. The danger was real he could have died. In fact, when they air lifted him to the children’s hospital that night in a helicopter and I could not go with him, my fear was the size of a tsunami. It racked my very soul. The fear pull me under. I fell to me knees, realizing this was too much for me and asked for help. No, I begged for help from God. The giant wave turned into a ripple. I had released the fear.
When I received his diagnosis, my husband was in California on business. I called him crying at this news, that I knew was coming. I called him to tell him the diagnosis and that I couldn’t take this. I again fell to my knees and into my husband. The fear relinquished with the simple words he said to me. “It doesn’t matter what they call his diagnosis, it is just that, and he is still Bob!”
Daily I am faced with things that could evoke fear, like many others I fear for my family’s well being. The plane could crash that my husband flies on a biweekly basis, Bob may not reach his personal full potential because I am not doing the right therapies, my daughter may be under too much stress living in this crazy world, and me, yes me, I could crawl back into this hole of depression and panic to leave them all to their own devices. That, my friends is my biggest fear! But, fear is a useless emotion. This is what I have been telling myself on a daily basis. I will not fall into the clutches of this monster. I will fall on my family, my friends, and most importantly myself. Because fear is a useless emotion.
Hugs and love,