You can’t go home..that’s a lie….

We went to my parents this weekend..by we..I mean Bob, sissy and myself …I’m always nervous when I travel with Bob. Will he do well in the car…will he be okay, moreover, content when we reach our destination. Many of you relate to this fear, I think. I hope I’m not alone on this one. But, I planned well. No, I planned strategically for this journey. I had the three foods he will eat and the one thing he will drink along with all the creature comforts, his pillow, blanket, play doh (36 varieties), and most importantly the ipad…when all else fails the ipad will do the trick….

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The trip really wasn’t for me or Bob but for his 16 year old sissy. We moved away from our home town, the place she made her life long friends and our family a year and a half ago. Even though she has adjusted well to her new school, made friends, and dare I say..she now has a boyfriend (whom I like, he’s smart and has the cutest crooked smile I’ve ever seen) she misses home. I can’t lie. I miss it too. I miss knowing everyone and being known by everyone. Home is where I am Robert and Susie’s daughter, Buck and Mary’s granddaughter , and most of all Mrs. Smith. I taught for 10 years in this small town, my home.

You can’t go home…

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The trip went well. Bob got to play and rake leaves with his great grandfather. He rubbed his great granny’s face and told her, u face has cracks. She laughed, best sense of humor ever. They love him. But they still believe he is profoundly disabled. Partly because they are old and partly because they don’t understand this thing called autism. Bitter sweet really. So, hard to explain to them all the great things he is doing. Because, they see disability..not beauty. Don’t get me wrong they are the salt of the earth…just from a different era.
But it breaks my heart..ever time I take Bob home and look at him through their eyes…

You can’t go home….

My parents are a different story. They are my backbone. They see all the things he does and is going to do. And even of he doesn’t ..that’s ok too! They love, they see, they know.

I am home…..

While we were there..Sissy got to see her girlfriends and stay the night with them. I had the honor..the privilege of taking them to lunch..without Bob….so I could drink in all of their sisterhood. Moreover, watch my daughter smile and laugh from the gut….Every time she gets to do this…I am happy for her..and I cry when we leave them..leaving that little place called home….

You can’t go home…She is home…..

I saw my best friend from infancy..she and I sat on my parents porch and laughed and carried on..like no time had past between us..it never does…it never does…

I am home….

Moral of the story..because I feel like I am rambling…people will tell you, you can’t go home…it’s a lie..you can…it’s still there..you just have to find it….

Love and hugs ,
Just Lori

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