My first child was not planned. She was an unexpected blessing. After 4 years of marriage, I still was not looking for a baby. I was too busy reveling in unadulterated freedom, children weren’t in the picture. But it happened, and I am glad for it…I have had the privilege of raising this child. She was the perfect baby, toddler, tween and teenager, 16 years and she never ceases to amaze me.
Honestly, I thought her perfection was because of my superb parenting. She was the smartest, most well behaved kid in every playgroup and school. I said it she did it. I really thought I was the supreme mommy. I’m ashamed, but I’ll say it, I looked down on other parents. Why didn’t their kids perform like mine? In my mind it was their fault, it wasn’t. But, I thought it. The precious angel I was dealt was not because of my supreme parenting. It was her demeanor. It was her individuality. And I took it for granted, which I didn’t realize until I had my son.
Every milestone that came so easy for her…did not for him. All the years for her..I didn’t revel in her accomplishments. I made them mine. They weren’t mine. They were hers, and I hate I missed it….for my ego…and I did. She still lives in that shadow. I hope to make better before she leaves me in two years for college. She makes straight A’s in a bad ass private school. She continues to be amazing. And me, I continue to expect it of her. As I write this I realize I am an asshole. An asshole who doesn’t deserve the gift I’ve been given…the gift of a beautiful child..who does everything she is supposed to do..without question…without hesitation…without the thought of anything other than to please her mother….
If you have one like mine..don’t forget them..it is so easy to push them to the side..because they will be ok…they still need us..as much as our ASD babies…..
I love you Mary-Catherine…
Love and hugs
Love and hugs,
Mary-Catherine’s mommy and Bob’s